The Advice from A Parent Which Rescued Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality rapidly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to take a respite - taking a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."